I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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