you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
