My hand turned me down
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
no you cant smoke seaweed
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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