they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
