I wish I could punch you in the face.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
