someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
