I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
