when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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