I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
