We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
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