You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
