I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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