she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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