the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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