I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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