SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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