life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
