I wish life had little blips of pornography
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
