Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
