I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
