I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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