Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
