sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize