I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
