He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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