I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
