Me too!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
