Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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