you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
