You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
