holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he fucked my hip out of place.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
