i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
