my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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