Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
