I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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