I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
