I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
