she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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