Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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