remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
