We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
