Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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