I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
