i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
