On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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