i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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