Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
