Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
