Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
