help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
