I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
