dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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