I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
