you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
