well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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