I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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