New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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