life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
