Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
