Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yo dont text me then not text me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
