everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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