ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
