she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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