I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
