so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
