The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
