I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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