Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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