Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
