I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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