just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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