jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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