We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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