a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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