My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Are we still banned from the library?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
