No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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