The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
