It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
